I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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