Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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