I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize