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Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
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