I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I wish there were birth control emojis
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
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I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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