i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
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