Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize