I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
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I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
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And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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