idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize