Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
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