Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
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