The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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