operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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