I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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