I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
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I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
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He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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