when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize