u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize