If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
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I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
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Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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