don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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