I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
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I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
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Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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