every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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