I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
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I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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