i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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