I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
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You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
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