So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
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I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
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College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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