I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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