I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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