who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Randomize