i permit you to call me
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
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It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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