You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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