he puts the penis in happiness.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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