Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
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