ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
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and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
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how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
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