Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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