Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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