you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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