11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
if only i could text you this smell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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