Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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