He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize