Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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