This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize