Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize