Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
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then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
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I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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