I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize