i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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