Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
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As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
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You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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