so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
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I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
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We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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