Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize