I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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