i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize